Settle down, Settle in

This is the thing that we’ve been avoiding.  It’s time to settle ourselves down and to settle ourselves in.  It is understandable that we might be afraid of commitment, growing roots, of building relationships, of getting hurt, of being rejected, of facing disappointment, of things growing stale.  But life is what we make it.  Growing up means making progress towards the long-term.  This can be incredibly frightening since it’s a struggle sometimes just getting through one moment let alone thinking in terms of “the future.”  We can plan for the future and look forward to it without letting “the future” overtake us.  And furthermore (which is related to our resistance to staying put and getting comfortable where we can), we can’t control what other people do, say, think, or feel.  But we can control what we do, say, think, and feel.  And even if we feel like we can’t control these things, we can learn to better recognize when we feel out of control and then to separate ourselves out from participating in unhealthy behaviors (which includes not allowing ourselves to bond with our children, our spouse/co-parent, and our trusted friends—attachment in this context is good; the trick is not to become too attached where we forget where we start and where we end in the relationship).  So it’s time to get comfortable here, in our own skin, in our own family, and in our own home.  It’s time to embrace what our life already is.  No matter what happens or doesn’t happen next, this is our life, and if we don’t choose to be happy in it and to find peace in the way that makes sense for us (both of which can be found by accepting the positives and the negatives of our family life—without, of course, staying in denial about things about ourselves that we have a responsibility to work on), then we will be short-changing ourselves.  No one else can be happy for us.  No one else can receive the good life that is ours to have.  Each of us must do it for our own selves.  If we want to be happy and peaceful, then it’s up to us.

Leave a Reply