It’s time. There’s no need to hang on to it anymore. You’re ready. If it keeps coming back, there are a few reasons why that might be.
- You aren’t recognizing when you are irritated, annoyed, or frustrated before it all becomes a big pile of anger.
- If you are recognizing the irritation, annoyance, or frustration, you aren’t letting it go after you’ve acknowledged it (i.e., you are holding on to things that aren’t worth the emotional energy).
- You aren’t meeting your needs adequately enough (which is redundant).
- If you are meeting your needs adequately enough (redundant again), you are resentful about having to meet your own needs (e.g., making time for things like quiet time, working out, or creative projects) and haven’t yet accepted that we (and not anyone else) are the only ones who are responsible for ensuring that our own needs are met in a healthy way.
- You aren’t properly asserting yourself when it’s necessary that you do so.
- If you are properly asserting yourself, you aren’t letting it be enough that you’ve done it (i.e., you are still trying to a) control someone else’s choices when we all know that that is a futile attempt and/or b) make someone else “pay” for the discomfort you feel for having to directly state what you need/want or don’t need/want).
- You still don’t understand that anger hurts us. It doesn’t do anything for anyone else except confirm to them that you are unpleasant to be around.
- You are addicted to the rush/release that expressed anger can give and/or you like how it feels to selfishly obsess over wrongs (whether perceived or real) done to you.
You might be able to add your own reasons why you still might be caught up in the cycle of anger more than you would like to be caught up in it. Something to keep in mind is that we could be experiencing a sort of emotional memory (like muscle memory) where, simply, old habits die hard. Even if we haven’t always felt/been angry in our lives, we might have been around other people who have been angry, and so we might have picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms from them. Think of parents, old friends, former colleagues, and even TV. For the present moment, try to surround yourself with people who are peaceful, patient, and up-building. Then when you are stronger/more established in healthy response abilities/emotional regulation skills, you might be able to better hold your own around people who haven’t quite mastered the emotional regulation thing yet. (And since we’re around our children all day and can’t really take a break from them and all their emotional regulation learning, what we have to do is create an escape for ourselves so that we are able to be recharged daily—the quiet time, workout time, and creative project time all help with meeting this objective.)