If we can learn to slow things down in our head, then we can be a lot more relaxed about things on the outside. When things don’t go as planned or as desired or as anticipated or as hoped-for (which is how things usually are once we have children), then we don’t have to resort to knee-jerk reactions or afore-learned-but-ineffective ways of handling disappointments or negative surprises. We can respond the way we actually want to respond—cool-ly, calmly, collectedly, and with effect. By relaxing into this parenting thing, we don’t have to be at the mercy of our feelings (or our children’s feelings) anymore. We can decide how to be, not be pulled around by external circumstances. Relaxing in to it all allows our confidence to show. We might not always feel very confident, but we have, in fact, been growing confidence this whole time by staying aware of our effectiveness and working to increase our effectiveness as parents. We will feel more and more confident the more and more we let ourselves choose to stay relaxed about things.