Some days, we can see everything for what it is. All is clear. And during these days, one of the things we realize is that we do way more than we should ever be expected to. We have put entirely too much upon ourselves to carry for our family’s sake, and it’s no wonder that we often feel frustrated and taken for granted—because we are the glue yet no one really sees it or openly appreciates it.
So if you are finding that you are struggling with the lingering frustration, anger, and/or resentment that seeks to topple your equilibrium, simply say to yourself, “I do enough.” You do not have to do all of the little things right now that you usually do. (And you don’t have to do them at all. But we all know that once we cool off and we feel steady again, we admit that we enjoy doing the nitty gritty because we know that these are the secret bits of goodness that we lovingly and willingly shower upon our family.)
What we are doing by saying to ourselves that we do enough is to keep guilt from finding a foothold as a result of our not doing what we usually do (and I’m referring to simple things here: putting stray laundry in the hamper in preparation for clothes washing, picking up toys after hours, straightening up when everyone else is in bed). It’s not out-of-the-question for us to pull back a little so that we can regain our sense of center. But just keep in mind that we do all of these sorts of things for ourselves, too, and not just our children and our spouse because an orderly house makes our job a whole lot easier. It’s just that sometimes we can get a little tired of our routine just like everyone else does of theirs.
To extend the “I do enough” realization, we can apply the I’m-filled-to-capacity mindset to help us remember that it’s not our responsibility to make other people feel good (like our parents or our friends or our bosses). If you have reached a point where you have severed toxic bonds that you may have had with significant people in your life (like our parents or our friends or our bosses), then you understand how important it is to remember the why of it all. Doing more than our share (for other capable adults like our parents or our friends or our bosses) can make us sick over time (in more ways than one). Do not believe for one second that your health matters less than what it should. We have a right to protect and nurture our own selves, our own marriage, and our own children over the expectation that we need to protect and nurture anybody else in our lives (like our parents or our friends or our bosses). Yes, our parents, our friends, and our bosses (for example) are important people to be there for. But not if it costs us our own health, our own marriage, or our own children in the process. It is sometimes necessary to draw a firm line to mark for ourselves where the nonsense stops. And at these times, more than ever, it helps us to say to ourselves, “I do enough.” Because we really do.