Refuse to Let Your Pain and Suffering Make You Bitter

The chances are good of becoming bitter as a result of the pain and suffering (all types, all varieties) we have endured since becoming parents.  But it is in our best interest and our children’s to refuse to follow the bitterness trail.  But how, you ask.  Start small, I say.  When you are going through a moment when it would make sense to settle on the side of resentment and bitterness (Have you been tossed to the wind?  Left to fend for yourself?  Of course this is going to be hard when you have little to no support from those whom you should be able to expect support from like parents, friends, and colleagues), simply choose in this moment to see things as they are right now.  No need to attach blame or deeper meaning to the absence of help, support, encouragement, empathy, or comfort in your life.  Just accept the absence for what it is and then figure out a way to function without whatever it is that you think you need.  If you feel that you’ve been tossed to the wind, then learn to fly.  If you feel like you’ve been left to fend for yourself, then do so excellently.  If you feel like you have no support, then build your own emotional support apparatus.  Doing all of this instead of perseverating on who or what is to blame (beyond admitting to yourself where the blame can fairly fall) will keep you busy so that you don’t have time to get bitter about all that you do not have.  Parenting is hard enough as it is without having to lug around the bitterness that you may have every right to hold onto but that does nothing to make your life any easier.  The sooner we can learn how to turn away from the bitterness, the sooner we can get on with learning how to get better and better at our parenting roles.

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