Our Happy Ending Starts Now

Love Others Enough to Let Them Learn Their Own Lessons

     People like us—we are alphas—we might not always be the loudest in the room.  Or the most attractive.  Or even the strongest.  But we were born with a lot of stuff up-front.  Gifts.  Grit.  Brains.  Determination.  Ambition.  Competitiveness.  Being the first-born (not all alphas are first-born), there’s a lot riding on our shoulders.  Over time, we have learned not to compete against others (a futile thing).  We have learned to give only our best at anything we do (which, as it happens, often falls in the top tier of what “the best” might be classified as).  We don’t just have a lot of drive.  We have a lot of substance.  There’s depth here.  We’ve learned a lot.  We’ve lived a lot.  And so when it comes to our children (or our other family members or friends), it can be tempting for us to tell them what they should or should not do, to give unsolicited advice, and to be the know-it-all on any given topic whether or not we were asked for our opinion. 

     What also comes with the territory is the temptation to be destructively critical (as opposed to giving constructive criticism), overly negative, cynical even, and an all-around brier to be around (you know those pesky briers from childhood that get stuck on you from running around outside).  Our challenge, then, is to recognize when we can allow others to learn their own lessons instead of having us rush in all the time to rescue everyone with our knowledge and foresight and wisdom and experience.  We must love others enough to give them the space to live their own lives and make their own choices.  This is one of the most difficult things for people like us because we see what they need to do and we know what they need to do. 

     We might not always be so good at applying our foresight and knowledge to our lives (though try as we might), but we sure do see what could benefit others—and we see it well beyond what they can see.  We might not always be the most vocal about our thoughts an opinions as some people are, but we are deep-thinking people and have something to say when we are given (or provide ourselves with) the space to say it.  That’s why alphas often are writers.  Writing provides the perfect forum for us to say what we are thinking, to shape our thoughts, and to share our hearts.  If we want to break the cycle of dysfunction (many alphas morph into narcissists that overtake other people’s lives), then it will be important for us to own the gifts we have and to harness the way we use those gifts so that we can be of the most benefit to others, always aiming to build others up instead of tearing them down but also balancing that with knowing when and how to shine the gentle light of truth on a situation—especially in trying times when it would be so easy for us to blind others with everything we know and are able to do.